A New Wrigley Seating Chart

I’ve been to four Cub games at Wrigley this year. That’s my all-time high for a season since leaving PNC Park. Unless you’re a stickler for sound fundamentals, it’s tough not to enjoy yourself at the Friendly Confines. Depending on where you sit, of course. It’s time to stop letting fans choose their ticket by location, and give us the option of sitting in groups of peers.

The smoking factor was removed long ago. No more worries about getting caught downwind from the guy with the stogie. Those things can last an entire game.

An alcohol-free zone would be nice for those of us who can manage to make it through nine innings without a beer per. Pretty sure there are ballparks out there with “family friendly” sections, but I’d rather not have to choose between obnoxious drunks and fidgety children.

Set up a few “baseball expert” aisles, so those of us who know that a fastball is faster than a curve ball don’t have to listen to you explain the subtle nuances of the game to your girlfriend. Otherwise, stay home and watch a couple games on TV before you see one live. Bring along your copy of the Baseball Prospectus so she can read what the utility infielder’s high school’s mascot was. The rest of us don’t care, and don’t want to be escorted from the stadium for accidentally spilling six Pepsi’s on you.

Let the people who insist on complaining about their jobs have their own section. There are spectacular views from rock walls on the Lake Michigan shoreline where you can spout off about work for free, and no one else can hear you. You also won’t take the chance that the woman sitting right behind you is the sister of the boss you just tore to shreds because you couldn’t get your cat’s birthday off.

Set up a few seats near the restrooms for people with…medical issues. They always seem to get stuck in the middle or the row. My row.

Most importantly, and maybe the only one necessary, cordon off a section or two for the people who came to actually watch the game. Where the hot dog vendor comes by every half-inning, the outfielders toss baseballs into the stands, and the lights don’t interfere with the ISS passing overhead. That’s not asking too much.

Did I miss anything?


3 thoughts on “A New Wrigley Seating Chart

  1. How about a section in the worst seats for the fans of the other team who cheer more for their team in an opponents ballpark than they do in their own park? I don’t mind the fan of the other team who politely claps for his team, but not the one or ones who try to incite a riot. Particularly obnoxious are those fans of the “elite” teams, i.e, any team ESPN favors (we know who they are). Their section really only has one seat, they’re called “obstructed view”. I like your plan. It’d be nice to sit in the box seats every once in a while!

    • Steve, someone we may be related to once bragged about going to a Yankee game, and doing the tomahawk chop throughout. And they were not playing the Braves. I told him/her I would have removed them from the stadium. You don’t have the right to impose on everyone else’s ability to enjoy the game. I think that’s what it all boils down to.

  2. A section for people that feel like leaving not in the middle of an inning or showing up in the 7th who inevitably have the seat the in the middle of the row. Oh and a special place, outside the stadium, for the jerk who feels like spitting his chew on the ground..in front of my seat

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.