The First Phone

I bet the first person to buy a telephone spent a lot of time just staring at it.

Think about it. What if you were the only person who owned a phone? The only purpose for buying one was his insistence on always being the first  to have the latest technology. Had to have the new tin can with the key opener, had to have the first coil of barbed wire (1873). I bet he was the first to buy bottled, pasteurized milk too (1856).  Have you ever pondered what his diary must have looked like? Well I have…

Day One: Just bought one of these new telephone things. Looks cool.

Day Two: I have moved every piece of furniture away from the walls, and not a single phone jack in this house!

Day Three: Just spoke to Mr Bell to have phone service connected; he asked me to hold?

Day Four: My telephone starter kit was just delivered. 250 40′ wooden poles, 25 miles of some sort of cable, and some glass globe-looking thingies. I haven’t a clue.

Day Five: Ran into an old friend at the market. Haven’t seen him in years, told him to stay in touch. “Here, write down my number. Ready? ‘One’.”

Day Six: New phone looks great on the wall, but I haven’t paid it much attention. I’m consumed with figuring out a way to get pizzas brought right to my doorstep.

Day Seven: Met a lovely woman at the Grange meeting. Asked if I could call her sometime; she just stared at me.

Day Eight: Turned the crank thing on my phone; my butler ran to the front door again. I love that bit!

Day Nine: Mr Bell is talking about “pay phones”. Why would anyone pay to stare at their phone?

Day Ten: Firewood is all split and stacked. Don’t know what to do with the globes and wire though. Nor do I understand what they have to do with my new phone.

Day Eleven: Accidently knocked my new phone off the wall; Mr Bell said he would only replace it if I had lost it, or it was stolen.

Day Twelve: Anyone know what those new phonograph things are all about?


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